Harry Potter Magical Wand
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landorus:

cashier: that’ll be $4.20

me: bruh

cashier: bruh

snorlaxatives:

i have no feelings or emotions just sarcasm running through my veins

westindianheaux:

i was born in the right decade. the decade of the selfie and googling the answers to hard problems.

vampirevvekend:

my #1 talent is saying stupid things to people and immediately regretting it

bunny-bo:

ghost-anus:

have you ever met someone on the internet that you liked so much that you sometimes sit there and think “oh man there are people who are lucky enough to see this person IN THE FLESH ON A REGULAR BASIS and I wonder if they realize how LUCKY they are”

Do you ever wonder if people think that about you?

  • parents: okay we will be home at 11 o'clock!
  • clock: 11:01
  • me: they're dead i'm alone i need to start my orphan life now

askgeorgebush:

i dont like the world flaccid because no matter when its used my mind instantly goes to dicks flopping around

exhists:

a picture may be worth 1,000 words but my selfie is worth 100,000 notes

fricken-nuggets:

fricken-nuggets:

Whats red and bad for your teeth?

a brick

polyglotinprogress:

god bless the german language for having an insult like arschgeige

assviolin.