id rather fall in lava than fall in love
i love you im glad you exist im so happy you’re alive
*sees a worm on the ground and understands*
so today at work I cleaned this old man’s golf clubs and I thought he was getting his wallet out of his bag but instead he pulls out this giant plastic target bag of yellow plums. he tipped us in yellow plums. he told us not to tell anyone we had these and I looked them up because they were so good and these plums are illegal in the US. I got tipped in illegally imported plums.
- fun first date ideas: overthrow ur government w/ the bae
when white boys make fun of girls getting drunk im kinda just like but have you seen white boys wasted. they start rapping and whispering into girls necks and start yelling racist shit to people on the street. when girls get wasted it just means we’re all super nice to each other in the bathroom and dance to beyonce
I have met so many nice drunk girls in bathrooms
Nice drunk girls in bathrooms are the best.
harry potter didn’t have to do p.e. so why do i
Harry Potter played quidditch.
harry potter never did the beep test
why are men always spitting all over the sidewalk? do men create more saliva than women and need to get rid of it? are they marking their territory? what’s going on?
They can’t swallow because that’s gay
sunglasses emoji only wears his shades to hide the tears
My favorite part of Catching Fire is when Johanna and Finick find each other in the arena and they act like sixteen year old girls who just ran into their #1 bitch in the highschool hallway.